Words of “wisdom”
It’s not really a rant, but rather some thoughts that I’ve had recently. Well, I’m perfectly aware that I haven’t done anything meaningful on here in ages, but you could call that period of silence my “summer vacation” or something. Not that I’m going to post stuff regularly here from now on – it’s still very much a feeling thing.
People often ask me why do I have this self-deprecating attitude – that is, I often tell myself and folks that surround me that I’m no good at anything I do: make music that sucks, that I’ll never learn how to play guitar properly, have a bad taste and so on. For example, my good female friend (we have this schtick going on that we’re siblings) has always said to me that with my skill and knowledge and blah blah blah I should be conceited, not self-deprecating.
Being conceited is very much like eating a bag of chips. Both are delicious, but are they any good to your health? The only difference is that vanity (or whatever you call it) is an abstract / psychological concept, and eating a bag of chips is an exactly defined, physiological one. While I don’t really care about the consequences of me eating a bag of chips with paprika (though I try to eat them as rarely as possible), I absolutely care about those of me acting snobbish and vain and rude to people around me – at least, what I can control personally, not their perception or anything related to their vision of me.
Also, last night I finished reading “The Catcher in the Rye” for the second time, and I’ve had these thoughts about me having bad taste and about the words Mr. Antolini said to Holden that I can’t really remember unless I use Google which is a lowly measure I don’t want to stoop down to and death and the Universe and everything. I’ll concentrate on “bad taste”.
What I thought was that if I looked at my taste really closely I’d see that it’s not as good as everyone – or even I – have thought. Sure, I love lots of obscure stuff, but they’re only obscure to those who don’t want to dig deeper into what interests them and just sort of take everything that lies on the surface as “the real thing”. That is one of the problems with Ukrainian music scene, by the way, but that will be the topic for a different post. And to those who know a bit more about music/anime/books/movies/whatever my taste can come off as shallow and terrible. It’s all relative, but still – another thing that I think would be criticised as all hell is that I find out about music from different sources that aren’t “hip”. Pitchfork, Wikipedia, rock encyclopedias, advice from friends – you name it.
The thing is, you’re supposed to be your own tastemaker. You have to be one, too. But still, people won’t give you the light of the day if they hear that you’re influenced by something they emphatically dislike for some reason.
But I don’t feel like going into detail anymore. Months of not writing anything have taken their toll. *sigh*